My husband drinks: what to do, reasons, signs and mistakes

The problem of alcoholism in families is very common in many countries. According to statistics, one in three women faces alcoholism in her husband, it turns out that in 30% of our families there is an alcoholic; This figure is terrifying. At the same time, alcohol abuse by the husband has a detrimental effect on the entire family, and a large number of such families are already becoming a social problem. Families in which a man drinks are more likely to be socially disadvantaged, and children in such families suffer. Let's try to figure out why my husband drinks and what to do about it.

The main reasons why a husband starts drinking.

First of all, it is worth distinguishing between everyday drunkenness and alcoholism. The first is drinking alcohol for pleasure and the second is addiction. However, when drinking for pleasure, a drinker has a high probability of becoming an alcoholic over time. The reasons why a husband starts drinking are the following:

1. Entertainment. Many people start drinking alcohol at parties, in company, to improve their mood. A beer at a picnic in the summer, a glass of champagne on New Year's Eve or a cocktail or two at a bar on the weekend: there seems to be nothing wrong with it.
2. Traditions. Men in our country grow up in a culture of constant alcohol consumption: it is customary to drink on holidays, if something important happens, the first thing to do is get drunk, and people in company are wary of a person who does not drink. .
3. Communication. Drinking helps you join the team, relax and feel more confident. Many men find it difficult to meet a girl without alcohol, this way they overcome shyness.
4. Stress. In the post-Soviet space, it is not customary to go to a psychologist and culture imposes on man the image of a brutal and masculine man who does not have psychological problems and does not share his experiences. Men are often emotional and sensitive, but they are forced to hide their feelings and drinking becomes the only way to cope with stress. This is a common reason for the emergence and development of alcoholism.

How to understand that her husband has become an alcoholic: the main signs

Many men drink alcohol from time to time, for example during vacations. It happens that they cross the line. When should you start worrying? The wives of these men often ask psychologists this question. Only a doctor can make a diagnosis of alcoholism. There are warning signs, when they appear it is time to act.

Regular use

If a man drinks not from time to time, but frequently and regularly, for example, on weekends, this is already a cause for concern. If his husband drinks every day, even a little, it is a sign of addiction. It is also important what drinks he drinks and in what quantities. Two liters of beer every night is a lot.

Alcohol tolerance and withdrawal symptoms.

Alcohol is toxic to the body. The first cases of use cause severe poisoning, dizziness, nausea and vomiting. People call this "not knowing how to drink. "Over time, tolerance, that is, resistance to alcohol, increases and a man can drink more. This is how withdrawal or hangover symptoms appear: feeling sick the next morning. In the final stages of alcoholism, alcohol tolerance decreases again: to get drunk, a small amount of alcohol is enough, literally "sniffing the cork. "And the withdrawal syndrome becomes pronounced and painful, there is a strong desire to drink alcohol and the desire to have a hangover - drink a little to relieve the pain. The hangover habit becomes a kind of transition point, after which severe alcoholism can develop.

The appearance of binge eating

Binge drinking is the continuous consumption of alcohol for several days (3 or more). At the same time, the drinking husband enters a special drinking cycle: every morning he feels bad, has a hangover, then drinks during the day and gets very drunk again, and the next morning he feels bad again and everything repeats itself again. new. With prolonged alcohol consumption, mental disorders appear, for example, alcoholic delirium, "delirium tremens" - a state of disturbed consciousness, accompanied by intense agitation, anxiety, fear or aggression and hallucinations.

Personality changes

Habitual drunkenness leads to gradual personal changes that are invisible to loved ones, but are well known to addiction specialists. These changes include:

• Increased irritability and difficulty controlling anger;
• Weakening of the will, inability to resist cravings;
• Self-blame, feeling of guilt and loss of self-esteem;
• Inability to take responsibility for one's own actions;
• Lying to loved ones and self-deception.

Over time, an alcoholic becomes a kind of adult son: he is not responsible for anything, he cannot control his actions, it is impossible to count on him; After all, at any moment he can get drunk, forget about agreements, spend. money or even show aggression towards his loved ones: in this case it becomes dangerous. A sober alcoholic regrets his drunken actions and experiences strong feelings of guilt, anger at himself, or frustration, which again prompts him to drink alcohol to distract himself from these negative emotions. He understands that something bad is happening, but he can't do anything. Often, wives of addicted husbands say of them: "He's so good when he's sober, but when he drinks, he's a different person. "

Social consequences

Usually, relatives of a drinker hide their addiction from others until the last moment. But there comes a time when it becomes difficult to do so. The alcoholic misses work or makes serious mistakes that lead to his dismissal. When he is drunk, he can commit various crimes or get hurt. A person who drinks regularly gradually loses self-control and becomes very unpleasant: friends and even relatives turn their backs on him. Gradually, those around him begin to avoid him and his entire social circle is limited to his fellow alcoholics. If this happens, it is very difficult to get out of that vicious circle.

Mistakes that wives often make with a drinking husband

Psychologists call wives of drinking husbands "codependents. "This term refers to family members of addicts who are in close contact with them and whose psyche also inevitably changes. His behavior changes in such a way that, even against his will, he contributes to the development of alcoholism. These are the main mistakes that wives of alcoholics make:

1. Accusations. Of course, a drunk's behavior and its consequences do not please his wife. They try to influence their husbands: they scold, they scold, they appeal to their conscience. Therefore, they only support the feeling of guilt, one of the main causes of alcoholism.
2. Try to hide the problem from others. Very often, a wife covers for her husband in front of her family, makes excuses to her superiors and solves all problems herself. He or she insists that she drinks at home, locked up: he is safer.
3. Supporting the lifestyle of an addict: the wife scolds her husband, but is able to help him "recover his health" from a hangover, gives him money to drink, looks for him among his alcoholic friends and brings him home. She sometimes drinks with him, thinking that she will drink less.
4. Pity for the husband and faith in her promises to stop drinking: they are never fulfilled.
5. Ignoring the problem: since the husband is good when he does not drink, the wife tolerates her drunken behavior with resignation.

Often in codependent families you can see a situation in which a wife seems to be struggling with her husband's alcoholism: she shames him, tolerates him, gives him ultimatums, deprives him of money or sex, and causes scandals. But at the same time, all her attempts have no effect: the husband drinks more and more and the wife has a worse time. But she receives a lot of sympathy from acquaintances who are aware of the situation. Compared to her husband and those around her, such a woman seems like a great martyr; people sympathize with her and feel empathy for her. She uses her husband's alcoholism to justify her own problems and failures.

What to do if her husband drinks every day: advice from psychologists and narcologists

If your husband drinks, the worst solution is to put up with this problem, "carry your cross" and do nothing. Of course, a woman can always file for divorce and leave. Furthermore, a drunk husband usually brings more problems to the family than help, resources and money. But you can try to get rid of the addiction and save your family. Everyone close to an alcoholic must be patient: it will be difficult.

1. The most important thing is to eliminate alcohol from family life. Completely and forever. Don't forget that there are no ex-alcoholics. To avoid provoking, never have alcohol in your house again.
2. Most likely, the husband will not admit the problem and will not show a desire to be treated until the last minute. Sometimes, after a frightening or painful experience, a drinker wants to stop drinking, but then his or her resolve weakens. . . until next time. Narcologists can help: cleanse the blood of toxins, alleviate a serious physical condition and improve your well-being with the help of medications. Next, a psychotherapist should work with the addict, since psychological dependence is more difficult to overcome than physical dependence.
3. It is important to establish contact. Talk to your husband, find out why he drinks. But it is not necessary for her to become her husband's psychologist. It is better to entrust mental problems to a specialist.
4. Change your environment. All alcoholic friends who drag the recovering person into their quagmire should be eliminated from your life.
5. Don't carry it all yourself. Don't give money to your husband, don't hide his problems from your family. Remember that you are human too. Take care of yourself, your life should not be based on a family problem.
6. Don't embarrass a man or feel sorry for him. If you see that he is trying to get out, you can help him and support him in all his good endeavors. But be adamant if he picks up the bottle again.

Remember that it is difficult to solve the problem of alcoholism in the family on your own. Seek help: from narcologists, psychologists, support groups.

Traditional methods of treating alcoholism.

All treatment methods can be divided into medicinal and psychotherapeutic.

With the help of medications, doctors can:

• Relieve hangover;
• Improve well-being, support the functioning of internal organs;
• Cleanse the blood of toxic substances: alcohol breakdown products;
• Reduce the desire to consume alcohol: the so-called replacement therapy.

Psychotherapy methods help reduce psychological dependence. These include:

• Coding: The doctor tells the addict not to drink, otherwise something bad will happen to him. Previously, the drug coding method was also popular: a special capsule was sewn under the skin of an alcoholic, which, when alcohol entered the bloodstream, released poison and led to the death of the patient.
• Classical hypnosis: the psychotherapist gives instructions not to drink or crave alcohol. This method is similar to encryption, but is a little gentler as it does not include an imminent threat to health or life if used.
• NLP, or neurolinguistic programming: the specialist uses the patient's perception channels - auditory, visual and tactile - to reinforce the desired reactions and reduce the craving for alcohol.
• Complex therapy (psychoanalysis, CBT, Gestalt approach) - a psychotherapist deeply analyzes the psychological problems of the addict and indicates ways to solve them, helps to learn new ways of behavior.

Alternative medicine

Non-traditional methods of treating alcoholism include herbal remedies that cause a strong reaction in the body when used together with alcohol. For example, the tasty and harmless dung mushroom, even with a small dose of alcohol, causes severe nausea, vomiting, fever and palpitations. With prolonged use, the active substances of the fungus accumulate in the body and are not completely eliminated, providing a characteristic reaction to each alcohol intake. This method has long been used in villages to cure alcoholics of addiction.

To alleviate the painful condition of alcohol poisoning, folk remedies are also used: a decoction of mint and lemon balm, St. John's wort, bay leaf, apple cider vinegar, honey, a mixture of cabbage and pomegranate juice.

All kinds of conspiracies and slander are also used about water "so that the husband does not drink", prayers, reprimands against drunkenness; These methods are popular among people, but their effectiveness has not been proven.

Is it possible to force your husband to stop drinking without his consent?

Some wives, seeing that their husband is not going to stop drinking alcohol, try on their own to break her bad habit without him knowing. For example, they add some medications to food and drink. This is quite dangerous and doctors do not recommend doing it.

To stop drinking, an addict must want to stop himself and realize that alcoholism is destroying his health, his relationships, and his life. But this doesn't happen often. Addiction changes the psyche in such a way that the alcoholic strives to never stop drinking.

However, there are things that the wife of an alcoholic can start doing at any time to get her husband to stop drinking, and that depend solely on her. She needs to realize her victim position and change her way of thinking. She starts to change what you don't like in life, don't tolerate what you don't like, respect yourself. Don't solve other people's problems, don't take responsibility for another adult. It is important to remember that alcoholism is not a disease, but a harmful addiction that destroys life and family. To change yourself and start thinking more about yourself, you may need long-term work with a psychologist.

How do you know when it is time to seek help from a narcologist?

There are several characteristic signs by which you can safely say that the addiction has gone too far and cannot be overcome without professional help. These include:

• Frequent and regular use with painful hangover;
• Lack of control over the amount of drinking (once a man starts drinking, he cannot stop);
• Drinking alone at home (quiet drinking at home can later lead to serious alcoholism);
• Lies and hidden bottles of alcohol (the husband tries to hide the fact of drinking from his wife);
• Binges lasting several days from which the drunk can no longer recover on his own.

All these signs indicate the development of a dangerous stage of alcoholism, when the addict needs urgent professional help. Relatives of an alcoholic must send him for treatment; Otherwise, your addiction will develop rapidly with the most serious consequences, including death. It is not necessary to endanger the life and health of all family members, it is better to consult a doctor as soon as possible.